I tried, I really did. I applied to study Zombie literature at a University and get my PhD. I even made it to the final round but failed to secure a position perhaps due to my unconventional ideas.
But would this be beneficial/necessary for zombie preparation?
Ultimately, more time spent studying my foe would hypothetically better prepare me for battling the undead. I could turn my piercing academic eye onto the realm of the creepy, crawling corpses and use all of my critical thinking magical powers to unlock the mysteries of surviving these diligent creatures. I would be the master of the undead universe as I gain, you know, masterful skills of machete chopping rotting heads and blasting away deranged, infected brains with my Winchester.
It's also flippin' cool to read zombie books and watch zombie movies.
I also need to eat in the pre-zombie world. Pay bills, make sure I cannot afford the syfy channel, take the cats to the vet, and afford those pesky student loans and car payments. I won't be a very effective zombie hunter/slayer if I cannot stock up on supplies and weapons or training prior to Z-Day. Sure, I could loot after the end of civilization. However, I'd rather be somewhat prepared before it comes to that.
Perhaps then, considering our economy and the ever-so-many-jobs available for English majors, I might need to reconsider my ambitions to be a zombie studier of awesomeness. I should consider going back to school and getting one of those hard science degrees (Despite my sarcasm here, there is a benefit to understanding chemistry or biology when grappling with those grimy ghouls). Then, I could take on this brackish economy/job market and fully finance my ambitions of zombie training and education. My cats would never miss a vaccine!
Then again, what's the fun in easy or appropriate? Eh, well, at least there is ramon and vet payment plans.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Some Days I almost want to be a zombie snack...
I would be a wreck if they shambled into my life today....
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Zombie Hide Out
If (perhaps I should say when) the zombie march begins, one would require a most decent and hospitable home front to put down solid roots lest they suffer pushing daisies instead. I wonder where I would go should a great disaster befall civilization. I mean, I have a vague idea of how I would evacuate from my coastalish home--certainly not by the state-appointed routes. Most likely, I would venture out only on back and side roads to avoid the inevitable death traps highways always seem to become whenever a fly lands on the road sideways let alone being held up by a real emergency/accident.
But, where would I go? Where would you go? Like the 85% of college graduates this year, I could certainly take shelter at my rents rather than wander the dangerous and unknown trenches of the "outside" world. I cannot say where my husband would be--whether he'd be with me or off with Uncle Sam. Unfortunately, I may left in a situation where the cats and I will have to see to ourselves.
Mom would love to have me over for dinner or maybe for dinner depending upon her disposition when I finally pulled into the driveway of their duplex. Had she and my father refrained from going all undead on me, I suppose it would be logical to hold up with an ex-marine and a nurse. I mean, I have a means of defending myself and patching up the boo-boos if they didn't involve teeth or nails. Logical. Sure.
Yet, their home is hardly defensible against a horde of the undead for the simple fact that there are a lack of natural borders in the entire area. A wall, some sort of fortification would need to be established, but I think it would be mighty difficult to do so if we were pressed for time (like in the case of an uber-emergency of the undead uprising). Maybe instead, I'll swing by and pick up the rents and head somewhere safer. Once more this leaves me with the question of the most appropriate destination. These are important questions/considerations to ask, readers. I don't want to be that crazy chicken running around because something silly/simple like my whole entire world/head has been chopped from my straining neck. I WANT TO BE PREPARED!
So, instead of a specific destination at this point, I am thinking of a list of environmental needs I would desire to best set up our new home:
1. Water source. I would greatly appreciate if by some miracle we have gas to make it to a site with its own natural water source preferably a river where I know water is going to come in and we can dam it if necessary.
2. To the mountains! Blow out the bridges or roads and you have a much more secure location if you go to the mountains. I'm pretty sure zombies lack a bit of dexterity (as long as the undead coming for dinner aren't like those in the remake of Dawn of the Dead). Higher = safer.
3. Fertile land. Let's be honest, it's going to take a while for any government to deal with a pesky zombie problem. Those suckers just hate to die! As a result, we'll likely need a few acres to plow and plant. I am a fan of eating and would like to not survive a zombie munching on my bones only to starve a few months down the road. Winter could be harsh for us all.
4. Access to smart people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this isn't exactly something environmental but it can be tied to location. Smart people are everwhere, but if you aren't sure they are where you are going then consider traveling to a place where businesses and schools seem to congregate them. Maybe I'll find a nice university (still in session) to chillax at during the apocalypse. Engineers abound could potentially help with that annoying need to eat and our unfortunate dependence on Walmart and Wawas to feed us. They also might know how to rig some sweet defenses. At least the medievalists will have prime knowledge about structuring moats and making mead.
5. Survival weather. New home can be cold or hot but nothing in the extremes. Remember, we'll be losing electricity i.e. heating, air conditioning, etc. We'll be more depended upon the kindness of nature while living with zombies. Consider your residence carefully.
Should I think of more needs for my location, I'll update this post. Should you readers have ideas, feel free to add them. Best of luck reaching your destinations, your havens from the approaching storm.
But, where would I go? Where would you go? Like the 85% of college graduates this year, I could certainly take shelter at my rents rather than wander the dangerous and unknown trenches of the "outside" world. I cannot say where my husband would be--whether he'd be with me or off with Uncle Sam. Unfortunately, I may left in a situation where the cats and I will have to see to ourselves.
Mom would love to have me over for dinner or maybe for dinner depending upon her disposition when I finally pulled into the driveway of their duplex. Had she and my father refrained from going all undead on me, I suppose it would be logical to hold up with an ex-marine and a nurse. I mean, I have a means of defending myself and patching up the boo-boos if they didn't involve teeth or nails. Logical. Sure.
Yet, their home is hardly defensible against a horde of the undead for the simple fact that there are a lack of natural borders in the entire area. A wall, some sort of fortification would need to be established, but I think it would be mighty difficult to do so if we were pressed for time (like in the case of an uber-emergency of the undead uprising). Maybe instead, I'll swing by and pick up the rents and head somewhere safer. Once more this leaves me with the question of the most appropriate destination. These are important questions/considerations to ask, readers. I don't want to be that crazy chicken running around because something silly/simple like my whole entire world/head has been chopped from my straining neck. I WANT TO BE PREPARED!
So, instead of a specific destination at this point, I am thinking of a list of environmental needs I would desire to best set up our new home:
1. Water source. I would greatly appreciate if by some miracle we have gas to make it to a site with its own natural water source preferably a river where I know water is going to come in and we can dam it if necessary.
2. To the mountains! Blow out the bridges or roads and you have a much more secure location if you go to the mountains. I'm pretty sure zombies lack a bit of dexterity (as long as the undead coming for dinner aren't like those in the remake of Dawn of the Dead). Higher = safer.
3. Fertile land. Let's be honest, it's going to take a while for any government to deal with a pesky zombie problem. Those suckers just hate to die! As a result, we'll likely need a few acres to plow and plant. I am a fan of eating and would like to not survive a zombie munching on my bones only to starve a few months down the road. Winter could be harsh for us all.
4. Access to smart people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this isn't exactly something environmental but it can be tied to location. Smart people are everwhere, but if you aren't sure they are where you are going then consider traveling to a place where businesses and schools seem to congregate them. Maybe I'll find a nice university (still in session) to chillax at during the apocalypse. Engineers abound could potentially help with that annoying need to eat and our unfortunate dependence on Walmart and Wawas to feed us. They also might know how to rig some sweet defenses. At least the medievalists will have prime knowledge about structuring moats and making mead.
5. Survival weather. New home can be cold or hot but nothing in the extremes. Remember, we'll be losing electricity i.e. heating, air conditioning, etc. We'll be more depended upon the kindness of nature while living with zombies. Consider your residence carefully.
Should I think of more needs for my location, I'll update this post. Should you readers have ideas, feel free to add them. Best of luck reaching your destinations, your havens from the approaching storm.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
CNN Backs Up "My" Theories
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/10/02/zombie.love/index.html
I have been encouraged by CNN (of all news sources) and their recent coverage of the world's zombie mania. In the article above, Doug Gross (I'm sure no pun intended) notes how we can use zombies as a means of acting out our emotions of anger, aggression, and fear (to say the least) when the more abstract pressures of the economy cannot be so easily punished for their wicked, wicked crimes.
The author even points out a lot of the "first" zombie stories originated during the Great Depression (Gross). How interesting? I certainly see the parallels. Again, these monsters are our coping mechanism in a world gone pretty much suck. We can maim, shoot, explode (or implode), light fire to, and pretty much abuse the crap out of a zombie but we cannot punch the market in it's stupid face because, well, it doesn't have one.
But what about you, long time undead lover? Did you find your thirst for the crawling, rotting zombie well before the soft whispers of the housing crash or the enacting of stimulus recovery? Why do you like the zombie so much if not for the traditional/popular reasons for grappling with these monsters? Perhaps you are less concerned with APRs, Fiscal stability, or our ever changing global landscape. Do you daydream incessantly about the living dead apocalypse for another, perhaps more sinister reason--one you won't quite admit to others ("No, no, John and Jane, I am just kidding. I don't really want the world to end in a burst of shredded flesh and rivers of blood. Please pass the taco dip?")
Maybe it is just fun, a brain game, a challenge like the rubix cube or something generated by Avalon Hill.
Perhaps more interesting, a little blend of dark and light, can it not be a bit of both? Or you do not necessarily want all of humanity to be at the mercy of sharp incisors and a never ending blood lust --but maybe you do not believe preparing for this to be utterly impractical. You've got one foot in the lifeboat when the iceberg comes to dance while the rest of us are still twirling on the gilded deck.
Honestly, I am not sure where I fall into the spectrum of Zombie Love Reasoning 101. I doubt I am enthusiastically counting the days until that fateful Dawn (you know what I mean). However, I certainly don't want to feel/be helpless should any danger burst from the shadows.
What do you want, Zombie fans? But, more importantly, why do you want it?
I have been encouraged by CNN (of all news sources) and their recent coverage of the world's zombie mania. In the article above, Doug Gross (I'm sure no pun intended) notes how we can use zombies as a means of acting out our emotions of anger, aggression, and fear (to say the least) when the more abstract pressures of the economy cannot be so easily punished for their wicked, wicked crimes.
The author even points out a lot of the "first" zombie stories originated during the Great Depression (Gross). How interesting? I certainly see the parallels. Again, these monsters are our coping mechanism in a world gone pretty much suck. We can maim, shoot, explode (or implode), light fire to, and pretty much abuse the crap out of a zombie but we cannot punch the market in it's stupid face because, well, it doesn't have one.
But what about you, long time undead lover? Did you find your thirst for the crawling, rotting zombie well before the soft whispers of the housing crash or the enacting of stimulus recovery? Why do you like the zombie so much if not for the traditional/popular reasons for grappling with these monsters? Perhaps you are less concerned with APRs, Fiscal stability, or our ever changing global landscape. Do you daydream incessantly about the living dead apocalypse for another, perhaps more sinister reason--one you won't quite admit to others ("No, no, John and Jane, I am just kidding. I don't really want the world to end in a burst of shredded flesh and rivers of blood. Please pass the taco dip?")
Maybe it is just fun, a brain game, a challenge like the rubix cube or something generated by Avalon Hill.
Perhaps more interesting, a little blend of dark and light, can it not be a bit of both? Or you do not necessarily want all of humanity to be at the mercy of sharp incisors and a never ending blood lust --but maybe you do not believe preparing for this to be utterly impractical. You've got one foot in the lifeboat when the iceberg comes to dance while the rest of us are still twirling on the gilded deck.
Honestly, I am not sure where I fall into the spectrum of Zombie Love Reasoning 101. I doubt I am enthusiastically counting the days until that fateful Dawn (you know what I mean). However, I certainly don't want to feel/be helpless should any danger burst from the shadows.
What do you want, Zombie fans? But, more importantly, why do you want it?
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
To Donut or Not to Donut (This is metaphorical at least in regards to donuts)
Now that my semester has drawn to a close, I find myself with 4 months of "free" time. Now, of course my days will be consumed with cleaning, cooking, and general time-consuming errands. But really, I will lay claim to hours every day to conduct my various experiments of physical exercise, diet, and sophomoric attempts at writing.
Most recently, I've returned to (un)avoiding soda, running, yoga, and buying (though not necessarily eating) various vegetables and fruits. I want to return to the fitness of my (younger) youth though I never really did the whole eating healthy thing. Chances are if zombies decide to start selling Avon, I'll need all my physical capabilities to actually outrun let alone out-think the shambling yet ever diligent (un)dead. I find though, imagining the creepy, malodorous corpses chasing me (which I've done), to be not enough encouragement to put down that crumb coffee cake or let someone else grab that mini bottle of coke in the fridge.
Perhaps that is what makes these more recent zombie runs/walks so interesting and vital. We need motivation to get our run on, to quote, work on our fitness. If we congregate in corporeal exertion, we can both get those legs into shape and enjoy/celebrate/furtively-glance-around for real zombies together.
Really, the whole zombie survival is a chance to prepare myself to handle any paranormal (I use this in the literal sense) adventure which may decide to ring that doorbell and try to convince me to buy the newest bubble bath or tennis bracelet (bad pun/reference to Avon joke above--I thought you might want reminding as it is such a weak joke).
Yet.... yet....
That cake tasted so good! Those of you without this dilemma probably even spend more time in the Physical World rather than glaring apprehensively into the enthralling glow of a computer monitor. Will my preparation then always be hypothetical? theoretical? Perhaps if you don't hear from me for a while readers, I have either A. Bought the purse/snuggie/blusher/figurine from that creeper at the door or B. Actually managed to put on my over-pronating sneakers and take a turn around the lake.
For me, maybe for us all, let's hope it was the latter.
Most recently, I've returned to (un)avoiding soda, running, yoga, and buying (though not necessarily eating) various vegetables and fruits. I want to return to the fitness of my (younger) youth though I never really did the whole eating healthy thing. Chances are if zombies decide to start selling Avon, I'll need all my physical capabilities to actually outrun let alone out-think the shambling yet ever diligent (un)dead. I find though, imagining the creepy, malodorous corpses chasing me (which I've done), to be not enough encouragement to put down that crumb coffee cake or let someone else grab that mini bottle of coke in the fridge.
Perhaps that is what makes these more recent zombie runs/walks so interesting and vital. We need motivation to get our run on, to quote, work on our fitness. If we congregate in corporeal exertion, we can both get those legs into shape and enjoy/celebrate/furtively-glance-around for real zombies together.
Really, the whole zombie survival is a chance to prepare myself to handle any paranormal (I use this in the literal sense) adventure which may decide to ring that doorbell and try to convince me to buy the newest bubble bath or tennis bracelet (bad pun/reference to Avon joke above--I thought you might want reminding as it is such a weak joke).
Yet.... yet....
That cake tasted so good! Those of you without this dilemma probably even spend more time in the Physical World rather than glaring apprehensively into the enthralling glow of a computer monitor. Will my preparation then always be hypothetical? theoretical? Perhaps if you don't hear from me for a while readers, I have either A. Bought the purse/snuggie/blusher/figurine from that creeper at the door or B. Actually managed to put on my over-pronating sneakers and take a turn around the lake.
For me, maybe for us all, let's hope it was the latter.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Travel Training
I (we) drive a lot.
We've put over a 100,000 miles on our car (which was new) in four years.
I've been from the edge of the Pacific to the borders of Massechusetts (Oh spell check help with me that one) and a significant amount of backtracking in between. Those who travel with me vary greatly and are often only the other motorists puttering away down this highway or that.
Travel offers a fascinating glimpse into the culture of a city, town, or even state especially if one takes the highway, freeways, and numerous other car-beaten roads towards their destinations. I really prefer driving to any other form of travel. It gives me time to think, reflect, and plan. It teaches me which cities are most dangerous to be trapped in during a natural disaster (Norfolk/Hampton Roads because bridges reflect the only way out; Jersey, again with the bridges; Phoenix--there are only a few ways out lest you own a vehicle with off-roading capabilities). Perhaps it is that every location has its own challenges. By driving them, I can really gage my chances for surival should I find myself within the parameters of any given hamlet. Weary but educated drivers will best know the layouts/grids of the lanes they zip down and the backroads offering desperate salvation in the looming visage of a gridlocked city.
But really, driving calms me. Zen-ifies my worries. I don't know how I would really (really) react to zombies or some other super-life-alterating-there-was-no-way-I-could-really-prepare-moment. If I have the opportunity to escape in that initial wavs (and yes, it will likely be a matter of resonance), a long, hard drive into "safety" will provide me with the much needed time to reconstruct my most likely damaged/shredded pysche.
tbc....
We've put over a 100,000 miles on our car (which was new) in four years.
I've been from the edge of the Pacific to the borders of Massechusetts (Oh spell check help with me that one) and a significant amount of backtracking in between. Those who travel with me vary greatly and are often only the other motorists puttering away down this highway or that.
Travel offers a fascinating glimpse into the culture of a city, town, or even state especially if one takes the highway, freeways, and numerous other car-beaten roads towards their destinations. I really prefer driving to any other form of travel. It gives me time to think, reflect, and plan. It teaches me which cities are most dangerous to be trapped in during a natural disaster (Norfolk/Hampton Roads because bridges reflect the only way out; Jersey, again with the bridges; Phoenix--there are only a few ways out lest you own a vehicle with off-roading capabilities). Perhaps it is that every location has its own challenges. By driving them, I can really gage my chances for surival should I find myself within the parameters of any given hamlet. Weary but educated drivers will best know the layouts/grids of the lanes they zip down and the backroads offering desperate salvation in the looming visage of a gridlocked city.
But really, driving calms me. Zen-ifies my worries. I don't know how I would really (really) react to zombies or some other super-life-alterating-there-was-no-way-I-could-really-prepare-moment. If I have the opportunity to escape in that initial wavs (and yes, it will likely be a matter of resonance), a long, hard drive into "safety" will provide me with the much needed time to reconstruct my most likely damaged/shredded pysche.
How will you cope my hopeful readers?
tbc....
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