Can I Make the Zombies Eat the Buffalo Sabres?

Well?

Check that....Bruins.. arrggghhhh

Nevermind.... zombies apparently ate the brains of the Flyers. Bah. End of this post. FOREVER.

How Would You Be Tracked by a Zombie?

Is it sense of smell or something more supernatural that would guide a zombie to your super secret hidey place?

If these creatures are truly dead (of course but walking), would their physical senses be operational? Would the crunch of your fateful misstep on that shard of glass or twig be the clue igniting the chase?

Having read several zombie books (I admit not more than a dozen or so), authors seem to gravitate most towards the sense of smell or sound when describing the human honing techniques of the undead. Perhaps them, as I train, I should work on my swift and silent ninja maneuverability skills or find a means of masking whatever awesome-come-hither-living-scents I might be generating.

Yet, if these creatures are dead, this seems somewhat illogical? Then again, should I worry about logic?

Other writers/theorists postulate these creatures do not actually die by after being infected by a virus rendering them impervious to pain or reason, may actually rely on their base senses to navigate the difference between tasty people treats and the rather useless (everything else in the universe).

Lastly, I've read a few novels exploring the zombie as a truly supernatural creature--a demon possessing a dead body. In regards to these creatures, senses other than esp are generally useless and therefore the writer often fails to explore them. In these cases, no matter how sound proof or air tight your fortress, that talented undead can detect your presence.

If zombies were to invade, I think it would be likely they would be "living" walking dead or the second theory put forth in this blog. I can imagine a neurological virus diluting their concepts of pain and encouraging a driving need to consume. Are there not such viruses/illnesses now which command the helm of human brains? (Dementia, etc.). True, they don't necessarily produce flesh-eating monsters, but the brain is a weird little opponent which can be manipulated to do rather creepy and heinous things.

I suppose we can only really know how we are hunted if and when it truly happens. Perhaps it is best to plan for all contingencies. Get a rosary, very quiet sneakers, and some deodorant. Do not trample blindly into the night, even when scrambling from those attempting to use your femur as chew toy. We will need all of the help/luck/grace we can get.

Review: Zombie Apocalypse!

I've recently been reading the innovative Zombie Apocalypse!, a work of fiction deriving from multiple authors in a variety of medias such as texts, tweets, emails, letters, journals, etc. The "book" offers a fantastic form of narrative generated from such technological marvels often associated with zombie fiction though not as much with mainstream literature. It chillingly takes the reader from the beginnings of the parasite induced virus to the "Death" of the world itself.

The book encapsulates what I love about the living dead: their mutations, adaptability and the deeply personal stories associated with them. Because Stephen Jones, the creator (as so noted on the cover), drew upon the writing talents of a plethora of authors, the book has an even more genuine feel. When characters are created, their voices are stronger than one might expect or rather, we don't have an author employing a persona simply to vent his or her frustrations. The word choices, hand-writing, errors, and other personal touches, not just the media, change with every new person introduced. A thirteen year-old girl gushes over a crush while attempting to cope with the loss and terror around her. A doctor, after having been infected, locks himself up for study the affects on his body and emotional state. The two could not be more dissimilar yet the editor/creator did weave the narratives together rather fluidly through plot and scene (so far, most of the book occurs in London and centers around the site of viral origination).

For most fiction, it is in the details. This work watermarks, "staples," and bends pages when appropriate. I think because it felt so real, I experienced the need to watch something funny on TV before going to bed. I couldn't quite finish this one story because before slumber, I didn't want the end I knew was coming to arrive. Yet, I will return to the book, complete this journey of gruesome horrors and the indomitable will of humanity to survive.

Similar to one character in the book, I suppose I too turn to novels such as Zombie Apocalypse! in an attempt to study or hone my skills as I prepare for the big Z-Day. But I wonder, if I, like him, will find my meager skill set seriously lacking when I face those great demons? Are these "preparations" really going to offer guidance for us? Perhaps Max Brook's Zombie Survival Guide as it does provide practical knowledge. I think maybe for works by such as Jones, the offer a different kind of survival skill: hope. All the machetes and crossbows in the world cannot defend against despair.

So, read on zombie fiends/friends. Read on and keep your eye on that glint of sunlight shining through your bordered up windows.

The Tally

Alicia : 10
Zombie: 100

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As suggested by a friend, I will keep a tally of my "wins" versus the accolades of the undead.

How, do you ask, is this possible when zombies do not actually roam the earth? (As far as you know...)

Well, whenever I experience an iota of hope or moment of accomplishment (which will invariably able me to survive the zombie takeover), I get a point. When I fail (crushingly), my mind seems to melt into zombie soup, and my actions unfailingly lead to certain lack of undead survival, well, you get the picture.

With every update, I'll put forth a biting explanation.

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Zombie point 1: rejected from graduate school on my BIRTHDAY! This will surely lead to an overindulgence in everything sweet and therefore will undo my vague attempts at physical training. Boo to you academia....

Me point 1: Got netflix for birthday. I can now study the zombie via numerous documentaries errr movies and thus learn their sneaky, lumbering ways...

Me point 2: Great support from friends and like 100 new "views" on blog since yesterday. I think at least 25 aren't from me ;)

Zombie point 2-4: Don't ask.

Zombie point 5: Frustration. I will prevail and once I do, I will afford myself a point.

Me point 3-4: Visiting wonderful family and friends and planning on adventurer training with my sister-in-law. This will assuredly translate into successful zombie survival skills. Sadly, I must return home soon--at least I'll be happy to see someone special!

Zombie point 6: Grading composition papers.....takes all of my brainpower leaving nothing but mushy brain goo behind. On second thought...

Me point 5: Mushy brain goo due to grading = zombies uninterested in using me as a lunchable!

Zombie point 7: painful week where the pain meant nothing. I super dislike this and it makes me want to swim in a sea of zombies (sorta).

Me: I've managed to lose 14 pounds since May and my jeans are falling off my .....

Zombies: Semester has restarted. I gave the little undead creepies as many points as papers I've already had to comment on. It's only been four weeks.

Back to the Preparation... Did I forget my desire to train?

Sooooo, I have been given Zombie Survival Guide for Christmas and am very intrigued by crossbows.

The Zombie Craze(y)

I am sure, fellow long time zombie enthusiasts, that you too are both amused and grateful? for the recent surge in undead cult-dom. It is odd how in the last few years the populace has latched on with its dirty talons in fascination with zombies. Why, after decades of neglect, does little Jane and John Doe cradle a microscopic concern for this often overlooked genre of fiction?

Perhaps after dappling with vampires for so long and very depressing economics, the masses are looking to the "masses" for some form of escapism. Sure, the annihilation of your credit-ridden, inflation soul eating society would put a most final stop payment on your already bouncing checkbooks. This imaginary land is quite freeing, quite peaceful in comparison to our real world pressure of daily survival. In the same vein, I suppose worrying how to loot rather than how to scrounge up change is much more desirable to average struggling person. But is this the most likely reason for the zombie craze? Sadly, I hesitate but feel to the need to nod my head in acquiescence.

It is silly and obvious but necessary to say we are desperate. In dire need of release, in need of repose, we bang on the doors of imagination to offer a glimpse of freedom. Liberty via the cerebellum lays claim to a long history of success--true. However, are we actually using this wonderful gift of imagination--gaining avenues of self-discovery and growth to combat at times "oppressive" reality? Here's the thing. I watch myself and others (I'll specify in American culture) fall into the trap of avoidance. We'll dream of this supernatural or that supernatural creature and imagine themselves to be this DIFFERENT, attractive, powerful creature and ask no more of them and these day dreams become the focal point of our lives. I've even succumb to this false and stunted world. This is dangerous. Useful at times, but if neverendingly (spellcheck tells me I have created this word) exchanged for reality then dangerous.

Yet, a great book and great reader can employ these imaginations to their worlds and gain! This is what I propose to be a true test of imagination--a manifestation which really brings us peace/happiness/joy/renewal/something-super-awesome/something-tangible.

But back to zombies. Zombies are one way in which we can forget, ignore, avoid all the yucky gunk of the real world. They tear the duty-bound boulders of our daily lives swiftly and victoriously from our aching, knotted shoulders. Fans of zombies who are in it for the zombies know it is much more complicated than that. Apocalypse in no way means peace--names change, jobs alter, the weight is still born.

People, I am glad your interest gives the opportunity for more authors, more presses, and more publications of zombie literature; however, do not panic when you realize your pain has not been alleviated. Turn back and turn inward in a way that best satisfies those demons. It is just a thought or more of a concern for my dazed and enchanted friends (and self). When satisfied, pick up another undead narrative and enjoy the ride.

Perhaps this rant is silly or annoying--but then after a millisecond or two of posting, it too will be just as ephemeral as your passing fancies.

What is the draw of zombies?

I tell myself that I never want zombies to actually rise from the dead and begin their flesh-eating journeys of un-self discovery. I tell myself all the novels I read, forums I follow, and measures I take to "survive" are simply theoretical games in order stave off dementia when I putter around my "adult community" upon retiring from "normal"? people residency.

And yet....

And yet, I still wonder about whether I would survive--if my family and friends would be grilling on the 4th or wrapping presents in December as if the end had no suddenly fallen upon the world. I cannot imagine a world without them, but arguably when the shambling dead will inherit the earth, they not share it with their heart-beating neighbors.

What is this dark obsession slithering through our minds, worming its way so far into our souls, it seems virtually impossible to dislodge the sharp claws of morbidity? Perhaps, the real reason revolves around a distinct lack of a dangerous existence. For one who knows little "true" horror in her own life, does the dissolution of civilization burn so bright in order to combat a vague sense of boredom? How banal of me to put my own twisted entertainment before the betterment of my loved ones. In truth though, this is not me. For some, I am sure (as I do believe in evil), their desire for the most atrocious fulfillment does supercede any consideration for their fellow human beings.

Zombies as cathartic represents another reason the undead industry has expanded as most horror literature. The fantastic Mr. King argues horror films in particular (though I contend we can apply his claim to literature, too) possess the ability to feed our darker urges so that they do not bubble up to the surface and cause us to devolve into raving and sometimes violent creepies.

Other than throwing a few bones at my ravenous inner demons, I have to say I am particularly interested in underdogs, rebuilding, and hope rather than the destruction and devastation necessary to birth these more "heroic" concepts. I obviously use the term heroic cautiously as I am not unaware of the terrible origination process which brings these events forth. I pour over zombie book after zombie book for hope--to see humanity survive the enemies gnawing from within as well as on our edible epidermis. In our less than flesh hungry world, it seems most are content to stagnate. We complain, protest, and mean so well, and yet where are we thriving? Where are we truly building? Take us to the stars, to the deep, somewhere. Renewal is essential to life and yet we recycle old ways and old thoughts. Originality is not dead--I think it is simply in hiding.

So why do I pour over those books? those blogs? those tweets? I'm begging you authors for your insight, for your dreams or construction, of innovation. Call us to be better people and perhaps if the zombies do come, we will surprise you.