Thursday, May 19, 2011

Can I get a degree in Zombies?

I tried, I really did. I applied to study Zombie literature at a University and get my PhD. I even made it to the final round but failed to secure a position perhaps due to my unconventional ideas.

But would this be beneficial/necessary for zombie preparation?

Ultimately, more time spent studying my foe would hypothetically better prepare me for battling the undead. I could turn my piercing academic eye onto the realm of the creepy, crawling corpses and use all of my critical thinking magical powers to unlock the mysteries of surviving these diligent creatures. I would be the master of the undead universe as I gain, you know, masterful skills of machete chopping rotting heads and blasting away deranged, infected brains with my Winchester.

It's also flippin' cool to read zombie books and watch zombie movies.

I also need to eat in the pre-zombie world. Pay bills, make sure I cannot afford the syfy channel, take the cats to the vet, and afford those pesky student loans and car payments. I won't be a very effective zombie hunter/slayer if I cannot stock up on supplies and weapons or training prior to Z-Day. Sure, I could loot after the end of civilization. However, I'd rather be somewhat prepared before it comes to that.

Perhaps then, considering our economy and the ever-so-many-jobs available for English majors, I might need to reconsider my ambitions to be a zombie studier of awesomeness. I should consider going back to school and getting one of those hard science degrees (Despite my sarcasm here, there is a benefit to understanding chemistry or biology when grappling with those grimy ghouls). Then, I could take on this brackish economy/job market and fully finance my ambitions of zombie training and education. My cats would never miss a vaccine!

Then again, what's the fun in easy or appropriate? Eh, well, at least there is ramon and vet payment plans.

No comments:

Post a Comment